# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
