So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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