he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
