Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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