I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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