a queef is a wish your heart makes.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
