I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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