Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
