All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
