You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
