My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
