New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
