Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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