I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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