Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
