I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
