I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
