So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she looked like the before picture.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
