Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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