i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
