Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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