Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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