I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
