At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
