I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
