I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
