We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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