i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
