sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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