What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize