Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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