I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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