How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
