What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
