Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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