You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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