see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
