His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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