I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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