Don't make out with my wife yet
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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