Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
