Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You have to summon your inner elephant
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
