i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
