You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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