I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
