i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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