So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
