I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
