girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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