if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
