Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
