i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
