I'd wear matching sweaters with you
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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