i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize