She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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