We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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