this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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