i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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