you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
