Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
